Meh....

The dogs freaking woke me up at 5:30 in the morning. Ugh! And if I'm being honest, which I should be for posterity sake, my bladder (remember I'm the Peeing Queen) woke me up too.  Not a great start to a Friday.

I'm tired. My muscles feel like noodles from last night's workout. I think I need more coffee but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....I have to drink waaaaaaaaaater. Meh.

Over the Hump....sort of

I couldn't believe I had made to the 4th day without cheating on the allowed foods, hiding in the closet eating any kind of sweet I could find in the house, or having a complete mental meltdown.

I woke up just fine, enjoyed my morning coffee, ate breakfast, made lunches, got everyone up, and skipped off to work. I was chipper, happy, and full of energy.  Now normally I'd blame the excessive cheerfulness on the coffee but this was a non-caffeine sunshineyness. 

The headaches were gone (partial nicotine withdrawal, partial starch withdrawal), I didn't feel sluggish, I wasn't craving anything horrible for me, and no more dark moods about being on another damn eating plan to control my weight.  It was AWESOME!!!!!!!

 I went to my boot camp class after work and had more energy than I've had during class in a long time.  It was weird for me but at the same time very cool though I drove people both at work and the gym bonkers with my cheerful peppyness.  Ya gotta love it.  Plus, it does goes with my motto from a quote by Herm Albright: "A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."

The only glitch was when I got home and found out that the deposit my man had made into my account was put into someone else's account. Yeah. I lost it.  I called the 24-hour hotline and said, "the idiot teller deposited my G.D. check in the wrong F*(KING account!!!!!".  Can I blame the lack of sugar and carbs?  I mean I know I'm past the 3-day ickies, but it would seem valid to me. It turns out said idiot teller posted the check to the account it was drawn from. OMG! They're really digging at the bottom of the education barrel for that one. Sorry but call me fat, irritate the snot out of me, but don't freakin' mess with my bank accounts.

Needless to say, I didn't stick with the 1/2 glass (5 oz.) of wine.  My man, upon hearing my phone conversation and knowing what my mood would be afterwards,  immediately handed me a very BIG glass of Malbec.  Yummmmm....my favorite :)

I really was alright when I hung up the phone. Mostly. So I just ate my irritation in the form of a very nuturionally balanced, non-carb dinner. Ugh. That just sounds so freaking healthy and like the slogan/poster child for Biggest Loser. Double Ugh.

Exercise: 80 minute boot camp class; focused on cardio and chest/abdominal muscle groups. Mommy!

Day 4 Meals
Breakfast: cottage cheese sprinkled lightly with cinnamon (YUMMY!), 4 sm silver dollar weird pankcakes
Snack: Sweet Nut Treat (something about that just sounds so wrong)
Lunch: Roast beast, steamed brocoli and cauliflower with melted cheese, sugar-free jello
Snack: 1g carb Chocolate protein shake
Dinner: Spinach/Romaine salad with feta cheese and shredded roast beast
Dessert: 3g carb Raspberry yogurt

Day 3? Only 7 weeks 4 days left to Step One

Day Three really hit me hard.  I'm tired. Oh sure, I'm little miss sunshine after 2 cups of coffee but that only really lasts until about 11 or 11:30 AM.   I just wanted to crawl under my desk with a bag of oreos and take a nap.

Honestly?  I wasn't really hungry or craving oreos. I was just tired.  It might have something to do with the insane workout I did  - nothing but cardio (sprints, leaping squats, jumping jacks, power jacks), abs, and weights (biceps, triceps, back) for 80 minutes.  Tack on the swimming I did on Monday and that could explain the fatigue.

The book did say the first three days are the worst.  I didn't believe it on Monday, thought maybe there might be some truth to it on Tuesday but on Day 3?  I believe it.  It doesn't help that I'm not taking the time to make my lunch and pack the snacks the night before so in the morning I'm rushing around like a chicken with it's head cut off.  I'm no longer little miss sunshine.  You can call me Ms. Stress Ball.

Did I mention I was also a little cranky?  Yeah.  Just a tidge.  Okay maybe a little more than a tidge but there are no headless people running about and I'm not trying to clean bone marrow out from between my teeth. So there!  I wasn't that bee-itchy. 


Thankfully I took a day break from working out though I did contemplate doing a 45-minute Power Yoga DVD. Yeah - the DVD lost the battle of the wills and instead I made dinner for us three and sat to watch a little TV before trying a new recipe.  OMG!  It's so good that I have to put it on here AND it counts as a "no carb snack".  It's FREE!!!  Oh yeah and I had my man and child taste test it.  They didn't die.  I know. It's amazing but what's more amazing is they liked it.  Here it is:

     Sweet Nut Treat
     2 TB butter
     2 cups walnut halves
     1/2 cup granulated Splenda
     1 TB vanilla extract
     2 TB ground cinnamon
     1/4 tsp ground nutmeg

     In a large skillet, melt the butter over medium heat; when the butter is melted, add the nuts and stir and    coat with the butter.  Sprinkle with the Splenda, vanilla, cinnamon, and nutmeg, and stir well to coat the nuts. Remove from the skillet, lay flat on a dish, and allow to cool.  Store in an airtight container.

I figure I'll play around with the spices and see if I can come up with different flavors and such.  It's a healthy snack, tastes good, and you don't have to eat tons of it to feel full. 

I did jones really, really bad for a smoke in the afternoon but once I was home and became busy with dinner making, man, child, pets, and all that other stuff, the thought of having a smoke left my gnat-like brain and didn't re-enter it at all.  I collapsed into bed again but read more of the book for about 5 minutes.  I'm reading about Step 2 and what I get to look forward to in 7 weeks, 4 days :)

Day Three Meals
Breakfast: 6 teeny tiny silver dollar funky ricotta cheese pancakes, sm cup of cottage cheese with cinnamon
Mid-Morning Snack: Almonds, again
Lunch: Salad with shredded chicken, olive oil/red wine vigegar, cheese stick, sugar free jello
Afternoon Snack: celery with Laughing Cow cheese
Dinner: Roast beast (no gravy or sauces) and steamed brocoli & cauliflower
Dessert: sawdust brownie muffins that are almost starting to grow on me ( NOT literally)

Day Two - Cranky? Maybe a Tidge

Day Two dawned bright and early. I was HUNGRY!! The usual routine commenced and after beautifying myself, I made breakfast but this time I had a piece of low-carb toast with an olive oil butter spread.  Yum!  Monday night I found the Sara Lee bread at Carrs-Safeway and it met the requirements. 

The rest of the day was okay, I guess.  I was a little grouchy, a little tired, and wanting jelly beans or better yet the cupcakes sitting on the filing cabinet in AP.  But I contented myself with just sniffing the cupcakes, getting all the sugar fumes second hand. 

Gawd, I'm pathetic. The rest of the day was normal and not much different than the day before.  Yup. Still tons of peeing.  It got to the point I thought my back teeth were floating. Thank God the bathroom isn't too far from my office or I'd be in a world of hurt.  Of course of colostomy (sp?) bag would makes things so much simpler but that would be icky and rather lazy of me. 

I pushed eating my afternoon snack to 4:30 so I'd have something in my stomach for my 5:30 boot camp class.  I've been taking the class for years and I needed sustenance to get through the class or it was going to kill me.  Yeah. It did and I was so tired when I got home.  I just wanted to collapse into bed but instead I made myself dinner and curled on the couch with my man's daughter (I'm her F.A.F.U-female authority figure unit) to watch "Life" on the Discovery channel.  Hey! She's 12 and there isn't going to be much cuddle time in the years to come. I'm taking every precious moment I can.

Did I mention the book had a recipe for Chocolate Brownie Muffins?  Yeah.  I made those after the child went to bed.  Umm....they were....interesting.  Kind of bland and tasted a little weird.  Thankfully the author said we could add a teeny tiny eentsy bit of light whipping cream. Thank GOD!!!  I mean, yay! I got to have chocolate!!! (was that convincing enough?)

Day Two wasn't bad but I'm still adjusting and the boot camp class really did me in. I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Day Two Meals
Breakfast: egg beaters with mushrooms, peppers, onion, melted cheese; 1 pc low-carb bread
Mid-Morning Snack: Almonds
Lunch: turkey wrap (same as day 1), cheese stick, sugar free jello
Afternoon snack: celery with peanut butter
Dinner: salad (romaine, spinach, peppers, mushrooms, onions) with shredded chicken, oil/vinegar dressing
Dessert: sawdust brownie muffin

Step One, Day One - Monday

I must admit, I was a little trepidacious about starting this diet especially since the day before was Easter and I was determined to eat anything and everything I wouldn't be allowed to eat over the next 8 weeks. Oh yeah!  I ate mashed potatoes, cake with icing, ice cream, a chocolate bunny, and somewhere in there I found the time to eat Jolly Rancher fruit smoothie jelly beans.


But please! It's not like I ate all that in one sitting.  I was up at 7 AM that day and didn't go to bed till around 10:30 or 11.  As if I would eat all that at once. GAG!  I would be vomiting all over the place, like I almost did after eating the cake my mom brought over for dessert.  OMG!  It was so full of sugar I thought I'd slip into an overdose coma.


Monday morning dawned at 6 AM and I started to get ready after letting the dogs out for their morning constitutional and grabbing the proverbial cup of coffee to assist in waking me up.  Thankfully on this eating plan I can still add a little of my sugar-free flavored creamer, giving me an extra thing to smile about.


My meals were good for the day.  I didn't feel overly hungry or dying of starvation and I made sure to drink the 64 oz. minimum water requirement.  I received an award that day.  Not only did I drink all that freaking water but I am now the Peeing Queen of the 8th floor.  Ugh!  I thought if I had to pee one more time I was going to scream.


Day One actually went well and I didn't feel like killing anyone.  Oh and I thought I'd mention that it was also day one of quitting smoke.  Yeah - you read that right. My man and I quit for 9 weeks and then went to Mexico on vacation, totally bombing on the no-smoking, and decided we needed to quit again for gosh sakes.  Am I crazy for attempting both at the same time?  Probably but then I was pretty much in that mental start before all this.


Day One Exercise: 30 laps at the pool
Day One Meals:
Breakfast: sauteed mushrooms and onions, egg beaters,  covered with cheese.
Mid-morning snack: string cheese and almonds
Lunch: turkey wrap using a low carb tortilla (4 net carbs! hot damn!), light whipped cream cheese (I like my cream cheese to be submissive), lettuce and a teeny bit of Grey Poupon
Afternoon snack - celery with natural, fresh ground peanut butter
Dinner: Leftover ham and steamed asparagus
Dessert: Carb Master yogurt (only 3 net carbs)

The new diet...I mean eating plan...uh, um...lifestyle change

Quick disclaimer: NO! This is not a picture of my feet on the scale. Are we clear on that? Yeah, like I care about what the weight says, it's the FEET! ACK! However, I thought the picture was appropriate for this post.


Okay - so the "diet" I'm starting is called The Metabolism Miracle from the book with the same title, by Diane Kress.  I was a little skeptical at first but the more I read the book the more I knew that no matter how hard I thought it was going to be, it would be worth trying it.  Yeah, the worst that could happen is that I could gain more weight but ((sigh)) I've got to try something and I don't think gaining weight would happen on this plan.  Not if I'm smart and actually follow the plan.

The short and sweet of Step One: Like many other diets, there is the "requirement" you give up a ton of things that I know we all LOVE, DIE FOR, CRAVE!!!! ((sigh)) It's so sad to see it, but here is the list:

bread, bread products, pasta, rice, crackers, chips, pretzels, cereal and granola bars, other grains, fruit, fruit juice, potatoes and sweet potatoes, carrots, parsnips (ew!), beets, legumes (beans and peas), winter squash, pumpkin, milk, yogurt, sweetened beverages, sweets and desserts, and foods that fail the 5X5 net carb test.

I know what you're thinking - "It sounds a lot like the South Beach Diet".  I thought so too but then she threw me for a loop with her 5X5 net carb test (total carbs - dietary fiber=net carb).  Let's say I want a turkey wrap for lunch - the turkey, mustard, lettuce, and light whipped cream cheese are all okay but what about the wrap part?  Well, I found a wrap that has a total of 10g of carbs but it also has 7g of dietary fiber, leaving a net carb of 3g.  Woo hoo!!!!  I'm allowed to have one.  The only catch is that I can't have anything fitting that formula within 5 hours of eating the wrap, before or after.  It's not bad.  I could have a 5g net carb item at every meal as long as they're 5 hours apart.  OH thank the Lord!!!

I can also have a 1/2 glass of wine at night.  Okay so it's equal to 5 oz. BUT I put it in a small glass so it looks like I'm having a lush-ful glass of wine :) Stupid mind trick but it works on my feeble brain.

Oh and I can also have "light" or "low carb" beer. Oh joy.  Water Beer!!!!! Actually, my man brought home some of the Budweiser 55 calorie beer and it wasn't too bad.  I had one...okay, a few.

The other cool thing about her 5X5 net carb rule is that I can have nummy desserts using her recipe for chocolate brownie muffins or I can have a piece of low carb toast with my omelet or anything like that.  It's a little easier to handle with all the other food restrictions. 

What do you think?  Sounds awful?  Well, if you're me and have been fighting to lose weight for the last 7 months without losing an ounce, it's worth a try.

An Introduction Please!

Greetings to anyone who might have the masochistic desire to read this rambling drivel as I navigate my way through a "lifestyle" change for what seems to be the millionth time in my lifetime.  Like most women, I am attempting yet another diet program that I hope will enable me to lose the weight I can't seem to get rid of and have it be a permanent change. Maybe. I hope. Please God! 


You see,  I was always a scrawny kid, thin and "coltish", that is until I hit puberty.  Happy 13th Birthday **PTHPT** Insta-boobs at a 36C and the hips to go with the great titans. I could no longer be a "normal" kid eating whatever I wanted (or wearing the cute tween/teen clothes-no fair!) but had to minimize the junk food and stay active, which I managed to do in Junior High, High School, and College.  Once I was in the "real world" though, the problems started and I would gain weight, change my eating habits, exercise more, lose it for a while, and then gain it all back.


Amidst all the frustration I found out I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) resulting in insulin resistance which results in weight gain that's impossible to lose. ARGH!!! Frustrating but I can't change my genetic code so what do you do but continue the same trial and error mistakes over and over and over again.


In 2005 a nurse practitioner finally listened to my frustration and placed me on Phentermine (which I only stayed on for 5 months) and Metformin, which I'm still sort of on.  Between the meds and working out 6 days a week (training for a women's triathlon) I lost 35 pounds and dropped from a size 16 to a size 10.  It was a miracle and I was on top of the world although I did start having a a period almost every month, which was foreign considering I used to have one only once a year. Yeah - you can hate me. I've heard it all before.


Unfortunately, the weight loss and the "normal" flow of my hormones made me nuts with crazy mood swings that were all over the place.  At one point I thought I was going to lose my mind but about 18 months ago I was placed on an anti-depressant to keep me level; however, unbeknownst to me it was one that had the major side effect of weight gain. Yeah. WEIGHT GAIN!!!!  Since I started taking the anti-depressant  I have put on 25 pounds despite exercising regularly (3-5 days a week) and eating mostly healthy.  I'd be lying if I said I ate like a rabbit, worked out 3 hours a day, and still put on weight. But STILL!!!


A new GP took me off the weight gain bastard anti-depressant and started me out on something oh so much better as well as putting me back on Phentermine for 5 months. I did not lose an OUNCE, not even with my mostly healthy eating habits. And trust me, when I say mostly healthy, it means I hardly eat out, don't eat fast food, don't drink soda, don't binge, don't overeat, don't eat items high in sugar or fat, etc.  At this point I'm depressed and thinking nothing is going to work until I had an accident.


I was buying University of Nebraska fan items for my man on Amazon and unbeknownst to be, I had left 2 books in my online cart that I had looked at months ago and forgotten completely about.  They were "the Insulin Resistance Diet" and "The Metabolism Miracle". Great, I thought, now I'm stuck with 2 diet books that will acquire dust on the shelf.


But I pulled up my big girl panties and started reading the Insulin Resistance Diet - and wasn't too impressed.  Oh and my doctor had referred me to a Premier Weightloss Clinic saying they could help me, all the while I was mentally flipping him off because he was not helping me and totally ignoring the "do no harm" of the physicians creed since my mental state would slip even further if I attended a "fat farm".  The clinic had programs that wouldn't work for me - I had already freaking tried them!!!!


Last week, however, I started reading "The Metabolism Miracle" and felt like the author had interviewed me for the book.  She wrote about exactly what I had been and am dealing with.  In light of this kindred spirit, so to speak, and my need to at least try something, I decided to start the Metabolism Miracle "Diet". 


This blog is a diary of my journey with all the good, bad, and ugly, the whining, bitching, and moaning, as well as any sucesses, triumphs, and all results.  I'm also hoping that keeping this diary will help keep me sane as I change a handful of little things that add up for me.